| love song |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|11:42 am] |
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you |
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| random thoughts |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|01:46 am] |
i miss the fuck out of my wife
god i'm glad i'm married to her
three cops on the way home
thank god for cruise control
it's fucking 29 degrees outside
thank god for that new 160 dollar jacket
thank god for a nice car that heats up fast
i wish my wife was here with me to keep me warm
she is so warm |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2004|08:45 am] |
crack my head open on your kitchen floor
to prove to you that i have brains
meanwhile tin men are lead by little girls
down golden roads that lead to nowhere
fine time to fake a seizure
to feel your lips on mine, you're saving me
what ever happened to that silly dream you had
i want to make it real
i'd love to rub your back
like a plane crash that never hits the ground
i fall in love with you
i'm nose over tail for you
your voice like the sound of sirens
to a house on fire
you're saving me |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2004|01:26 pm] |
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so, i'm at work. just back from my lunch break. i'm sure it's a big shocker that i don't really feel like doing anything. three more hours in this day. i kind of miss taking late lunches and only having a couple of hours left when i got back. besides the fact that i got to see justin on most of my lunch breaks and i got free food. but that was bad too. too much pizza. i'm not one of those girls. well alright then, back to work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
well i feel better. and here's what i'm thinking. i underestimate my ability to face obstacles. when something pops up i automatically think that i can't handle it and i start freaking out. if i slow my mind down and take logical steps one at a time, problem solving becomes much more manageable. i realize, i can do this, and that feels good.
another thing i realize is that while it might be a good learning experience to have a job that pushes me to my full potential, it's not something that i want to make a career out of or spend the rest of my life doing. what i should really say is that i don't want a job that forces me to confront my breaking point everyday. i need the least stressful job i can think of. and i can't think of anything right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|02:59 pm] |
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it never fails. 3pm and i'm ready to walk out. i mean, i swear to god if it were my mistakes that i had to fix i wouldn't have as big of a problem. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|08:52 am] |
for some reason, mornings around here start out ok. almost pretty good, at least ok. then by around noon i'm pulling my hair out. by around four i want to kill someone.
this morning is especially ok because i went to bed hungry last night, having had two slimfasts and a lean cuisine all day. then this morning i went and got a chai tea and a bagel on my way to work. so i'm full and warm. and i'll only have slimfast for the rest of the day. so begins the cycle. i weigh 118, but i want to weigh 110. or at most 115. because i'm obsessive. any rate, i should get back to work.
one of our carpet vendors, Shaw, has headquarters in georgia. the guys around here all think their southern accents are sexy. i think they make people sound unintelligent. i don't have one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2004|04:27 pm] |
my dear,
this job as me so stressed out and frustrated. i keep thinking maybe i can stick it out through march, but there is just no way. i just have to decide that my wellbeing is more important than money. and this job is definitely not worth the money they pay.
i skipped out on the gym last night to have beer and tacos with some people from work. i like them, it's the management that i have a problem with. and i have a big problem with one of them in particular. i won't name names but god damnit i don't have an accounting degree. and i don't think i should have to do this bullshit. only three more weeks though. and then i'm out of here. i'm going to make a list of all of the things i want to do while im home. i'm going to learn how to make pies. i was thinking i would have my grandmother help me, she would enjoy that. but i don't like her pies all that much, and i don't want to be insulting. i mean they're good pies, but i want to learn how to make amazing ones.
i fucking hate this place. i fucking hate this place more than i have ever hated anything in my life. and now i have to work on saturday. these goddamn mother fuckers. i want to kill them. i really want to kill them. oh my god, it's going to feel so good on my last day here. you know what they do sometimes, i've heard that people have put in two week notices, and they'll just tell them to forget about it and they don't have to come in anymore. i hope they do that to me. i hope they realize how much bullshit i do when i'm gone and they're going to have to find someone else to do it. i wonder if they ever considered that there might be a reason why they had three people quit this position after one or two days. if they have me training people i'm just going to tell them, this job is a shithole - don't get stuck in it. i really don't feel like training anyone. i just want to be out of here.
excuse me, i have to fight traffic and go to fedex for the second time today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|08:45 pm] |
oh my god justin. oh my god. i can't wait until you get out of bootcamp. i can't wait to get away from this pettiness that i allow myself to stoop to. no, that's the end of it. it's not like i care, but i mean, do you have to care to get pissed off? i don't know. it's only monday. only monday.
so, i believe i have made a decision. my decision is that february 20th will be my last day as an sc design employee. i will turn in my notice on the sixth i think. yes, on the sixth i turn in a two week notice. the 20th will be my last day. as of yet that is all that is decided. this weekend, depending on how much the navy deposits into your account, and how much my paycheck is, i'm going to try to take my car in to get looked at. i'd like to leave it at its best. but, i can't even decide what to do. the things i know for sure: quitting my job, going to alabama for the month of march. as to whether i will drive there or fly there i do not know. i think i'm leaning towards flying. but i'll need to talk to your parents about what i should do with our cars. then again i might drive the element, but i think i would feel worried about my car the whole time. as long as i talked to your parents every now and then and was reassured that my car was ok and everything. i might drive the element because then i would take the element from alabama to maryland. because we would need to have a car. but maybe i shouldn't even try to plan ahead that far. maybe i should just say, quitting my job, sneaking into alabama for a month, going to your graduation and after that who knows. who knows is something i'm really going to have to teach my brain to accept. i mean, who knows as long as you'll be there is fine, but who knows when it's just me is altogether different. and not having a financial plan. i'm too old. i'm going to bed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|10:32 am] |
my dear justin, it appears that your journal has been hijacked. i apologize. i deleted mine because it connected me to people that i didn't care to be connected with. and i can write in yours because i don't think anyone knows about it. no one that knows me anyway. and you are away at bootcamp. working your ass off and hopefully having a good time. this morning i woke up and somehow realized that i don't know where my birth certificate is. i feel that i desperately need to have this in my possession, or at least know exactly where it is. i woke up and looked through all of the papers that were mailed back with your clothes and things. it wasn't there. i'm freaking out. i never knew how attached i am to it. i'm sure that i can order another copy, as i'm going to have to order another copy of my social security card. but i still feel that i need it. would they have kept it there? what would they keep it for? and it's not as if i can call you up and ask you about it. i will continue my search after work tonight. in the meantime i will try not to think about it.
i finally got to use my "i cannot make people answer their phone" line today to this lady who was being a complete bitch. i wish i had said more to her. like, leave a god damn message and someone might call you back. or, you do realize that i am the only key to information that you seek and if i decide to hang up on you and ignore you, you can't really do anything about it. so you might consider kissing my ass. i will try not to think about her either as the thought of her is giving me the same sense of urgency as not knowing the whereabouts of my birth certificate. apparently a "sense of urgency" is my new description of stress. maybe it's an old one. i don't see how they go together, but i guess technically that might be right. i don't know what i'm talking about.
i would like to express my gratitude to the ricoh 1035 for letting me know that i almost left the check sitting on the scanner. saved me a trip upstairs.
i have enough frazzle dazzle bullshit to deal with.
really, i don't know.
my ears are starting to do that thing again where they are constantly popping or needing to be popped for no apparent reason. it screws with me hearing and my speaking, because it makes it sound like i'm talking really loud when i'm barely whispering.
alright, let's make today productful. i'm planning on the 21st of february being my last day. then going to alabama for the month of march. my only concern is financial, so i'll have to do some planning and budgeting. and i'll talk to my parents tonight. we'll see. |
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| sweet dreams |
[Sep. 17th, 2003|10:34 pm] |
up late and i can't sleep
even though my sleep is needed
she is laying there asleep
needing me to calm her
dreams of someone else
dreams of my evil
up late and i can't sleep
even though my sleep is needed
why would you want me to sleep
when i constantly cause doubt
dreams of freedom
dreams of happiness
up late and i can't sleep
even though my sleep is not needed
someone rich would care for you
someone better for you |
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| songs no skyscrapers - terrence schenold |
[Sep. 8th, 2003|09:24 am] |
if you could only stop the romance for a while, the
fragments of music appear. disparate, like so many
people standing in a crowded room, they simply
wait for something to happen.
and in the space between the meaningless shards
of sound there is a wealth of time to think and feel,
to create, to form another perspective of reality
without anxiety: to snare a fleeting idea which blurs
a thousand tragedies and taps the memory of
something epic, something profoundly personal.
music can provide an opportunity for you to move
forward, to surpass the inscrutable complexity of
human life for a time, to puncture the complicated
layers of the social pantomime and arrive at a
sincere reaction of joy or sadness.
it is our hope that we can contribute to you ideas
about music a notion of personal progress and
optimism that penetrates the intimate space of the
human heart; a created consciousness where
nothing and no one is sacred, but universally
sincere and equal.
trying. attempting. moving forward to a vulnerable
place inside yourself where the delicate dream of
things-that-could-be awaits the rebirth of free,
unabashed creativity. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2003|11:26 pm] |
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agh! how am i supposed to sleep without my lisa. i miss you so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2003|10:53 pm] |
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I'm going to LAAMF (Los Angeles art and music festival) next weekend, I wish Lisa could be there with me. I'm gonna miss you Lisa, very, very much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2003|10:37 pm] |
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i just saw kathy bates boobs and ass and she just felt jack nicholson up! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2003|10:33 pm] |
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lisa's curly hair is to die for |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2003|12:50 pm] |
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Only two more to go, the precipitated calciums, twelve hundred milligrams to be exact. |
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| Maybe I'll Catch Fire |
[Aug. 10th, 2003|04:34 pm] |
This house is full of ears but I can't talk to anyone
They've heard this one a thousand times
Most exciting thing I do
Hang half way out a third floor window,
Maybe throw lit cigarettes down
And maybe I'll catch fire,
Something warm to hold me,
Something pure to burn away the darkness
That hides inside my mind
All that evil shit's not hard to find
I guess I only claim to be nice
This house is full of eyes but I can't look at anyone
They've seen this face a thousand times
Most relaxing thing I do
Hang half way out a third floor window,
And look at rocks if I fall out,
And maybe I'll fall hard,
Something tough to break me,
Something sharp to rip into my insides
And bleed out all that pain
Sorry I don't even know your name
I guess for me it's easy this way
Maybe I'll catch fire,
Something warm to hold me,
Something pure to burn away the darkness
That hides inside my mind
All that evil shit's not hard to find
I guess I only claim to be nice |
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walkout's journal